So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
