Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
