the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the gays at disneyland are vicious
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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