I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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