i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
