remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
