It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I touched a dick in church today
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
