the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
there was a trapeze. enough said
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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