The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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