ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
