did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
