the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
