You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
