Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
