Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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