HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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