just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Just puked most of my soul out..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
