Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
