I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
