There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
you never un-have a 4some
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
