just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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