Quick, to the slutcave!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
