the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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