nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
