On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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