found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
