lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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