He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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