You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
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I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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