Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she smelled like a LAN party
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
