Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
