Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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