im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
