Quick, to the slutcave!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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