I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread