We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!