I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever