just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
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We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
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I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.