So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
