Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
