Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
