I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
