Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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