Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
