Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
