you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
