yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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