break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
