yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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