you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
