If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize