did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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