The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
