Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
