Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
