There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just found puke in my bra..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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