Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
