I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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