woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
